Here’s To 14 Years Of Being A Fatherless Daughter

How is time moving so fast without you?

I swear it still feels like yesterday …

when I first heard you had cancer.

when you told you had diabetes.

when I visited you in the hospital almost every day after school.

when your cancer came back and you decided not to get treatment anymore.

when you passed away soon after your decision.

I’m convinced life is just moving too quickly as my brain continues to be struggling with time. Nothing seems real during the holidays to your death anniversary. I live in a foggy state of mind as everything fades away in front of me.

I do know how to cope better now, but the fog just stays as the day moves closer. Everything hangs over my head like a cloud in the sky. Sometimes, I can pick up the pieces. Other times the pieces are just floating around me. I can’t reach them then the fog pops up.

My mind always wonders why I have to go through this so young.

My father should see be alive. He should be here with me. I’m too young to be fatherless. He’s missing so much of my life. It’s painful.

I’m a mother of a girl who he never knew about or see grow up. He doesn’t even know her father. My heart breaks into pieces knowing he’s not here.

Time can never heal what my dad is missing.

I have learned coping mechanisms, but from time to time nothing works. Coping is a difficult task when things fall off the wagon.

I will stay strong.

I can’t let this fog mess with me!

Time moves on.

Days will pass.

I will be strong.

Maybe, one day. I can cope with my life without my day better.

I miss him.

I always will miss him.