Fading Into the Month of May

May makes my mind fade into a fog. I’m drowning in my thoughts as another year of missed birthdays and Mother’s Day creeps up on me. I mentally forgot about Mother’s Day this year because work and life are keeping me busy. May is here now; I can’t forget about it now. The day will be here before I know it. 

I’m slowly losing my mind. Life is fading away. My thoughts are fogging up with depression. Trying my hardest doesn’t seem to be working. I’m focusing my mind thinking on the positive. 

Life is just moving onward without my sanity. I’m trying my hardest to keep up. Sometimes, I feel like I’m being left behind lost in my thoughts. Days go by as I’m still stuck in depressing thoughts.

Happiness seems millions away from time to time. I want happiness more often. It’s just difficult. My mind doesn’t let me. 

I force a smile on my face more than I like to admit. I’m spinning in a fog of acting like I’m okay. 

I wish I could be ok. 

I wish I could let myself be ok.

I wish May could be a happy month again. 

I miss when I looked forward to celebrating my parents’ birthdays, Mother’s Day, then my birthday. 

It’s just a memory now. A piece of life that I will never get back. A wish I will always hold on to. 

Life is always throwing lemons at me. I can’t wait for it to stop. I’m a very strong woman, but I don’t know how much more I can take. The pain level is on overload. 

The strong woman is going to crack and fall apart soon. I can’t though because I have a beautiful little girl to take care of and be there for. I also have a new puppy who needs her as well. My strong side can’t break. 

I need my sanity to hold on to the positives in my life. Time to push through May and enjoy life. That’s all I could do. I deserve happiness and enjoyment. 

May, give me all you got because after getting my depression thought out I’m ready. 

I’m ready to be the strong woman everyone sees and deep down I know I can be if I let myself. It’s time to be here instead of the woman is lost in a fog.

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