motherless

Watching The Years Pass By Too Fast

Mom, the years are passing by way too fast. I don’t even know where the time is going anymore. It’s like I blink and another year passes by without you.

The pain isn’t getting any better. Time just opens up a bigger hole in my heart instead of healing the broken pieces. Grief is a painful process in my mind. I can’t seem to understand how to heal. 

I still feel numb. I’m not sure if the numbness will ever go away. 

I always want to tell you some things going on in my life. Sometimes, I pick up the phone as if I want to call you. I then remembered I can’t and instantly felt broken. My heart falls to my stomach as I become sick. 

Seven years screams through my head every day. I can’t help myself from feeling sick to my stomach. How in the world have I lived this long without you? 

My mind is just blown away by how long it’s been since I heard your voice and seen your smile. I’m starting to not remember your voice. It’s killing inside. I wish I would just hear you speak to me when I’m emotional or even happy. 

I still need you. 

I still miss you. 

I still wish you were here with me. 

Mom, you were my best friend. I can’t help myself from thinking the years passed by too fast. You were my rock. The person I went to for everything is gone forever.

I’m trying to move on and live without you. It’s so hard and makes my head spin just thinking about life without you. I will be strong enough as the years go onward. I’m sure of it. 

I do have to say that over the last few years I have found different ways to cope with the depression and anxiety of your death anniversary. For example, I write my feelings out and do Halloween crafts. 

I started liking Halloween again, which means my Halloween spirit is coming back. I’m so glad a part of me has finally decided to come back. I was afraid I lost myself forever. It’s nice to see me shining through the darkness fogging up my thoughts. 

Grief will stop taking over soon if I think positively. I can’t keep thinking about the negative effects of grief. Yes, the pain is unreal sometimes but I can’t let it get the best of me. 

Here’s to focusing on myself and looking for the positive instead of the negative.

Time to let myself live and see what I have rather than what I didn’t have without my mom. I have so many good things in my life. It’s about time I let myself see the good things and be happy. 

Happiness may seem impossible without my mom, but I can’t be depressed forever. She wouldn’t want me to be like that. She would want me to be happy and full of life like I was when she was alive. She would want me to show my daughter that side of me

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