Reflecting On The Pandemic

I wrote this whole looking back on the pandemic blog entry in my personal blog on an app called, Zinnia, but I can’t finish the story part of it. Trying to remember what happened last year when my life turned upside down because of the pandemic is way more painful than I thought. I don’t want to remember the start of all this craziness. Looking back breaks my heart and reminds me of what life used to be like.

I miss the life before the pandemic.

Life is so unpredictable now. 

I hate having to be cautious and careful when I go out. I want to have somewhat of life during the pandemic. But I also have to be careful because I don’t know who has COVID and who doesn’t have COVID. It’s a battle we’re all dealing with now. 

Yes, the shot is making things easier for the ones who require it right now. But I think people who got the shot STILL need to be cautious until everyone has it. I’m in phase two, so I still have some time to wait. I want the people who really need it to get the shot. I can wait. Not like I’m really doing much besides staying home with my daughter while she’s in virtual school. I can wait so all the elderly people, teachers, essential works, doctors, nurses, dentists, retail workers, and whatever else is in Phrase 1. My conscience would let me live with myself if I did, so I can wait. 

Anyways as you may recall from a previous blog post, my daughter does dance class and how it saved her. I don’t know where she would be without her Monday night dance classes. She loves getting out of the house and dancing away the reality. Her dance recital is coming up in May. She’s practicing every day as May approaches faster and faster.

Well, my daughter is going to start cheer in 2weeks! She kept asking me about cheer and when she wanted to sign up like her two cousins. I was going to sign her up but then the pandemic shut down the local football cheer team. I looked into competition cheer but the prices didn’t fit with the money budget I had in mind. Then after months of looking for a cheer anything, I asked in my town’s Facebook page if anyone knew a football cheer team for my daughter. Someone commented on my post about one in the next town over. I asked about the cost. The price was perfect and just what I was looking for in cheer for my daughter. Little did I know, the team was still open last fall. I had no clue but maybe it wasn’t meant to be back now. Maybe I was meant to find cheer back then. I’m so happy my daughter will have another thing to keep her mind off of the pandemic.

I know the numbers are still high in my state but I’m sick of risking my daughter’s sanity for my fear. She needs normality in the craziness new world filled with fear and what ifs. She’s going to finish the school year with virtual and needs something to keep her from getting depressed.

I know what you’re thinking, I’m conducting myself when I have my daughter staying virtual but involved in dance and cheer now. I don’t see it like that. I see it as my daughter needing to socialize even more than the kids in school. She isn’t in school and just seeing kids on a screen. That’s not healthy socializing. She needs real people and real inaction in her life. She’s a social butterfly and needs it to be happy.

 I don’t want her to go back to the little girl at the start of the pandemic who I lost for months. She had no energy and didn’t want to do anything she loved like drawing, playing, or going outside. I had to drag her outside this time last year. She was depressed. I never imagined a Preschooler could get depressed but she did and my heart broke in half. I NEVER want her to go back to that little girl ever again. 

I want her to be happy. 

I want her to know even though times are rough you can still find happiness. 

I want her to escape into her happiness instead of falling apart for something she can’t control. 

My mind thought about all of this as my daughter and I went on a hike today. We used to talk walks in parks all the time before the pandemic and school. I miss just going to a park and forgetting about life. We couldn’t go to the park this time last year, so we’re enjoying every moment of it. 

I yard for normalization for myself as well, during these times I need things to keep me from going insane. Parks help my sanity when they’re are getting rush. I’m soaking in nature and noticing things I missed. 

Once I finish my post on look back, I will share it here. Stay healthy and safe until then.

Read more of my blogs about living in the pandemic: https://confessionsofaparentlessmother.com/category/quarantine-covid-19-coronavirus/