A Letter to My Mom And Myself On Mother’s Day

My heart feels heavy today. I miss you so much, mom. I wish I didn’t have to be motherless on Mother’s Day. The pain is unreal. I hate seeing all the Mother’s Day posts popping up on my newsfeed. I’m feeling jealous of everyone with a mom still alive.

I thought writing a special post for you in my newsfeed would make me feels better. Well, I was wrong. It made me even more jealous. Days like today I hate social media because I feel extra depressed with other’s posts.

The pain aches mom. I feel like crying and curling up in a ball. But I can’t. Because I’m a mom too. I have a daughter to celebrate with and make this day special for me.

It’s my day now. I just wish you could share this day with me as Mom. Maybe I’m feeling the pain extra hard right now since I’m not out for Mother’s Day and still in Pjs. Maybe I should change my clothes and put makeup. I want to but I have no motivation. I’m not even sure if it’s worth it at this point.

I could also just do it to make me feel better. I have a daughter and an amazing man. I should be happy. I deserve to be happy. I need to stop draining myself in pain. I’m not alone. I have a family of my own.

I wonder if that’s what helped you survive Mother’s Day after your mom died when I was 2. Maybe it is exactly what helped you get through the day. I have to be strong like you. You were my hero and role model growing up anyways.

It’s time to be a strong mother just like you. Of course, I’m allowed to be sad but I need to let myself feel happiness too. Sadness has filled my heart and head for too long.

This Mother’s Day … I’m going to celebrate. I’m going to celebrate how I’m being a mom without my own mom. I’m going to celebrate having the best angel I could ever ask for watching over my family and me.

It’s about time I focus on me and make today about me. I’m not just motherless. I am a mother myself. I should be proud of the mother I have become until of drowning in regret and sorrow.

Happy Mother’s Day to me! Happy Mother’s Day to you too, Mom! I love you. 😘❤️💕

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