Eleven Years Since You Have Passed Away

I can’t believe it’s been so long. Time flew so fast and not a day goes by where I wish you were here with me. I’m entering a new decade without you. It’s 2020 now, Dad. I wish you come to experience life with me in this new decade. You can’t though because it’s eleven years since you have passed away.

I miss you. I truly do. Life is getting harder without my father around to guide me through the stages of life. You have missed so much over the years. It’s crazy how I’m surviving so much without you.

I never thought I would be able to live without you. But I guess I am now since you have been gone for eleven years.

The years without you taught me so much about myself. I learned how to love and hate. I learned who I want to and who I don’t want to be in the years to come.

My depression has stopped me from accomplishing somethings over the last eleven years. What do you expect after losing your father at a young age? You can’t expect anything because my emotions got the best of me. You always motivate me when I feel like I failed or too scared.

I lost my motivation when you died.

I just can’t motivate myself to finish anything or stuck to writing in my blog. I also want to publish a memoir about growing up with your cancer, but I can’t find the strength to follow through with writing. Depression pauses my thought process and nothing comes out onto the page. My blog is doing alright, I guess. I just don’t write as much as I know I want to or should. You would have motivated me to do both of my projects.

Life is strange without you.

I still feel my heartache when someone talks about his or her dad. I find myself just pretending you’re still alive during conversations with people who don’t know me because a part of me wishes you were here. I know that’s not healthily but sometimes I don’t want to say “my father is died,” out loud. I still can’t hear my voice say that without feeling like I’m going to cry or my heartbreak. It’s painful and something I’m never going to be okay with hearing.

I just miss you and wish I didn’t have a death anniversary every year. I would rather have you here to experience life with me. I would rather celebrate birthdays and holidays with you.

Nothing of the same without you.

I, unfortunately, lived eleven-years without you. Don’t ask me how but I somehow have and continuing to move forward.

I guess you can say my strength is stronger than I assume it is.

Today will always hard for me. No matter how much time has passed. I miss always miss you.

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