Heaven Cannot Be Any Closer

I miss you every day. My mind

does not go a day without thinking

about you. I wish I could unwind

the thought of missing

you. I can you watching over

me but it’s not same and upsets

me. I wish you could be closer

than the made up set

in my mind. I just want to hide behind

the emotions taking me and sinking

down a painful path. I climbed

out the ladder of misery, thinking

it would lead to me to you. I move lower

once I reach the top, but the pain gets

me every time. I can’t deal and over

the pain trying to take control and set-

ttle in. But ever time I declined

I find myself back at the starting and falling

in the darkness. I wish you could find

from heaven and help me start breathing.

Without you here looking from my shoulder,

i will be grieving about your death.

I wish your absence make me a loner

and make be run all my regrets

through my mind on a daily basis. I resigned

from trying to put up a wall and blocking

all the negativity around me. My mind

always tries to destroy me and breaking

down the layers I have up. I take owner-

ship. The pain of missing you and your death

never goes away. But I have to step closer

to the reality your gone before pain holder.

Normally I will never be my life or kind

of reality. I cannot keep draining

myself in what ifs, behind

the thoughts, and stop blaming

myself for whatever

my mind likes stirring

up within. I must be clever

and stop all the blaming

before I truly lose my mind.

I cannot control when your death

happened or even refined

how it happened ‘cause living with dread

will never be the answer behind

happiness without you living

on Earth. I have shined

with you here and switching

to a better mindset

as I overcome whatever

life decides to throw in the backseat

of my mind. I will be clever.

Do you like what you’re reading? Check out my page, Kimi Ann-Marie for various of posts about life, mom life, and grieving. Check out my page, Positive Thinking About Parents Death for grieving advice about your mom or dad and reminding yourself you’re not alone.