I miss you every day. My mind
does not go a day without thinking
about you. I wish I could unwind
the thought of missing
you. I can you watching over
me but it’s not same and upsets
me. I wish you could be closer
than the made up set
in my mind. I just want to hide behind
the emotions taking me and sinking
down a painful path. I climbed
out the ladder of misery, thinking
it would lead to me to you. I move lower
once I reach the top, but the pain gets
me every time. I can’t deal and over
the pain trying to take control and set-
ttle in. But ever time I declined
I find myself back at the starting and falling
in the darkness. I wish you could find
from heaven and help me start breathing.
Without you here looking from my shoulder,
i will be grieving about your death.
I wish your absence make me a loner
and make be run all my regrets
through my mind on a daily basis. I resigned
from trying to put up a wall and blocking
all the negativity around me. My mind
always tries to destroy me and breaking
down the layers I have up. I take owner-
ship. The pain of missing you and your death
never goes away. But I have to step closer
to the reality your gone before pain holder.
Normally I will never be my life or kind
of reality. I cannot keep draining
myself in what ifs, behind
the thoughts, and stop blaming
myself for whatever
my mind likes stirring
up within. I must be clever
and stop all the blaming
before I truly lose my mind.
I cannot control when your death
happened or even refined
how it happened ‘cause living with dread
will never be the answer behind
happiness without you living
on Earth. I have shined
with you here and switching
to a better mindset
as I overcome whatever
life decides to throw in the backseat
of my mind. I will be clever.
Do you like what you’re reading? Check out my page, Kimi Ann-Marie for various of posts about life, mom life, and grieving. Check out my page, Positive Thinking About Parents Death for grieving advice about your mom or dad and reminding yourself you’re not alone.
Confessions of a Parentless Mother 